After the loss of a loved one there comes a time when we find ourselves apparently carryign on as normal. We enjooy new friends different events and yet we are not wanting to let go. It is difficult to explain the contrast between apparent normality and the ever present uneasiness. Whilst trying to describe that to a friend this image came to me.
After the shock we build ourselves a strong shell-like cocoon.
We build it around us to shut out the reality.
We can hide away in it and pretend everything out side is still as it was.
Inside we light our artificial lights and the mother of pearl lining reflects colours and glows.
We can busy ourselves inside it, keep it tidy, smile in the mirror, invite in who we want, who is safe to be with.
We fool ourselves into thinking that if we want we have the power to open our shell
and we would find our loved one there, waiting for us, a little bemused as to why we shut them out.
Yet in our hearts we know that these are not the true illuminations.
We know that if we dared to look outside our bright lit shell, out side would seem strangely empty
And illumed with a dull grey light in which things will never sparkle for us as they did.
There will come a time when we have to leave the sanctuary of that shell,
To accept the reality, to live with the absence,
But to try to take with us memories of the mother of pearl to help colour our way and the life of others.